One thing will happen this year that happened last year. You will find yourself in conflict with someone. Something will happen that will make you agitated. You will gain a complaint. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. But you can always get better at handling that complaint. Here’s a remarkable story between the father of the faith, Abraham, and a pagan king, Abimelek, that offers guidelines for improving when we are in conflict.
“Then Abraham complained to Abimelek about a well of water that Abimelek’s servants had seized. 26 But Abimelek said, “I don’t know who has done this. You did not tell me, and I heard about it only today.” 27 So Abraham brought sheep and cattle and gave them to Abimelek, and the two men made a treaty. 28 Abraham set apart seven ewe lambs from the flock, 29 and Abimelek asked Abraham, “What is the meaning of these seven ewe lambs you have set apart by themselves?” 30 He replied, “Accept these seven lambs from my hand as a witness that I dug this well.” 31 So that place was called Beersheba, because the two men swore an oath there.” (Genesis 21 v 25-31)
1. Speak up to the right person. Instead of speaking to many about the complaint, go directly to the person who can really deal with it. Sometimes that can be the person who committed the offence or an authoritative figure who can best deal with it. You don’t need to start a campaign against who you think is responsible. Just speak up.
2. Listen to the complaint. It is okay to say you didn’t know about something. You are not omniscient. “I don’t know who did this …” is the proper response at times. It isn’t defensiveness; it is the truth. Listening is hugely important.
3. Conclude and, at best, agree. Don’t just hope everyone leaving a complaint meeting will remember all that has been said and, importantly, agreed upon. The seven lambs were a visible reminder of that agreement. Taking notes and then ensuring everyone agrees they are correct would be a cheaper option! Of course, the parties may not agree, but the conclusion is still essential.
4. Create something new out of the complaint. Resolution is more than just solving a complaint. It can be a commitment to celebrate covenant over conflict. The well of water where the initial complaint started is now named Beersheba (meaning the well of seven or the well of the oath). There can be a temptation to try to forget the complaint as quickly as possible. However, it is possible to memorialise the wound and the healing. So that generations to come will ask, ‘Where did they get the name Beersheba from?’ To be told that this came about because two men decided to address the complaint, find a resolution and then to celebrate that with an oath. A decision that said this complaint will not divide us but unite us.
Let’s hope 2026 has more of this.
Missions Paul 