Most of us know friendships that we once had will never be restored. We love certain people, but we know we cannot fully trust them anymore. The goodbyes are happier occasions than the reunions we once had. This meeting between Jacob and his uncle, Laban, reveals that we can be honest in a relationship. We can name the distance honestly.
Jacob and Laban are about to part, but not as friends. That is broken, and it cannot be repaired. They will part as deceivers, having cheated on each other. Laban through Jacob’s wages and Jacob through deserting with his wives and children without saying goodbye. However, they do so by agreeing to at least build an understanding of boundaries.
“So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. 46 He said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap. 47 Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, and Jacob called it Galeed. 48 Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” That is why it was called Galeed. 49 It was also called Mizpah,because he said, “May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other. 50 If you mistreat my daughters or if you take any wives besides my daughters, even though no one is with us, remember that God is a witness between you and me.” 51 Laban also said to Jacob, “Here is this heap, and here is this pillar I have set up between you and me. 52 This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this heap to your side to harm you and that you will not go past this heap and pillar to my side to harm me. 53 May the God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.” So Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac. 54 He offered a sacrifice there in the hill country and invited his relatives to a meal. After they had eaten, they spent the night there. 55 Early the next morning Laban kissed his grandchildren and his daughters and blessed them. Then he left and returned home.” (Genesis 31: 45-55)
They cannot even agree on what to call their ‘agreement of understanding’. They call the place of their agreement the same thing, but in their different languages. They seal their oath differently. Laban uses the common ancestor, Abraham, but Jacob uses that of his father, Isaac. At this point, Jacob hasn’t made God truly his own; that will come later.
When they part after a meal and a night’s sleep, there are no speeches, just Laban kissing his grandchildren and daughters; there is no sentimental goodbye.
Just two people who cannot fully reconcile. They still need boundaries, and with them in place, they agree to separate. This is not a neat-and-tidy Bible story. It is a story of two people who cannot fully reconcile but agree, in the sight of God, to separate for good. They do it as decently as they possibly can. The man who dominated twenty years of Jacob’s life is never heard of again. He kisses his grandchildren and walks away. The wall of stones was in effect a message that said: this is where your world ends, and mine begins.
Some people are not with us throughout our lives. For some people, we have to draw a line in the sand equivalent to a heap of stones. We have to keep our distance to move into the next chapter.
Missions Paul 