Have you ever had to hold yourself together when everything in you wanted to fall apart? To smile and put a brave face on? Joseph knows that feeling. He is paying the cost, and that is to sit across the table from his brothers, the very men who sold him, pretending not to know them. Then he sees Benjamin.
“The steward took the men into Joseph’s house, gave them water to wash their feet and provided fodder for their donkeys. 25 They prepared their gifts for Joseph’s arrival at noon, because they had heard that they were to eat there. 26 When Joseph came home, they presented to him the gifts they had brought into the house, and they bowed down before him to the ground. 27 He asked them how they were, and then he said, “How is your aged father you told me about? Is he still living?” 28 They replied, “Your servant our father is still alive and well.” And they bowed down, prostrating themselves before him. 29 As he looked about and saw his brother Benjamin, his own mother’s son, he asked, “Is this your youngest brother, the one you told me about?” And he said, “God be gracious to you, my son.” 30 Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep. He went into his private room and wept there. 31 After he had washed his face, he came out and, controlling himself, said, “Serve the food.” 32 They served him by himself, the brothers by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves, because Egyptians could not eat with Hebrews, for that is detestable to Egyptians. 33 The men had been seated before him in the order of their ages, from the firstborn to the youngest; and they looked at each other in astonishment. 34 When portions were served to them from Joseph’s table, Benjamin’s portion was five times as much as anyone else’s. So they feasted and drank freely with him.” (Genesis 43 v 24-34)
The brothers are doing everything right, but they do not know the truth. They do not know that the man asking after their father is their brother. They do not know that this man is barely holding his emotions intact.
Then Joseph sees Benjamin. His own mother’s son, he had longed for this moment, and here he was, standing in front of him. He manages one sentence, “God be gracious to you, my son”, then he has to leave. He finds a private room, and he weeps.
- He hid his emotions. He did not express his grief in public. He kept the plan intact and removed himself before he broke.
- He controlled his emotions. He washed his face. He came back out. He said, simply: serve the food.
- His actions spoke louder than his emotions. Benjamin received five times as much as anyone else at the table. Not because he earned it but because he was loved.
There is a time for everything. Maybe today God’s plan for your life is pressing on your emotions, and you are not sure how much longer you can hold it together in front of everyone.
Joseph shows us a way through. Keep it secret when you need to. Get alone, away from people, and weep before God. There is a time for everything. A time to know when to be private and when to hold on to the plans of God above, regardless of how you may be feeling.
Missions Paul 